1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
