There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
try to milk me bitch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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