i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
