Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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