I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
