OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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