i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
