I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize