I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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