dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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