perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
