guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
