she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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