He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
