He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize