It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
