took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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