i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
