last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
