Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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