These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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