Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
