If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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