Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
