You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
