I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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