bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ketchup is God's man juice
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
