Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
