I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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