Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
