That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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