ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
