If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
