I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
