I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
