Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
