The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize