new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
