none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
