McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
