I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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