I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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