i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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