Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
