I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
