He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize