New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
