Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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