i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
