so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and eventually we just all took our pants off
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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