mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
