just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
