We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
