i just had sex bonerless
he puts the penis in happiness.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
