i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
