4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
