I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
