She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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