I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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