So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
