CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
