Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
