Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
