Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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