someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
