I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize