If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
