I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
