I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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