I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
