I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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