These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
