He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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