dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
