Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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