Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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