He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
